Don’t you just love lawyers?

THE DEAF ITALIAN BOOKKEEPER

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of US$10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing, so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing US$10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer: "Ask him where the money is!” 

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido: “Where's the money?”

Guido signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says: "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." 

Guido trembles and signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.”

The Godfather asks the lawyer: "What did he say?" 

The lawyer replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

A Bar Council Member For You

A Rabbi, A Hindu and A Bar Council Member

A Rabbi, a Hindu and a Bar Council member were driving late at night in the country when their car suddenly expired.

They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.

The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming:-

"I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!"

The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs.

However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying:-

"There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!"

The Bar Council member, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.

In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered......

(www.loyarburok.com)

Kind Loyar

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"

(image credit - Stu's Views @ www.stus.com)