If you want an appraisal, submit your resignation immediately!

Appraisal and Resignation

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

During appraisal , they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation , they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentive after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the RESIGNATION.

So you want a day off?

CLICK HERE

This Year Bonus.. Tenaga Nasi Basi

EXPRESSION OF THE EMPLOYEES

WHEN BOSS TELLS THAT...

“THIS IS YOUR BONUS... THIS YEAR”

Corporate Donkey

The Washerman, Dog and Donkey

Good story with old version…

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.

The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.

The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.

Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story "One must not engage in duties other than his own"

Now take a new look at the same story…

The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute.

He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.

He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.

Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.

The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.

The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…

If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you have guessed the characters of the new story.

Resignation

This is way bit too simple, too short and not formal.....

A bit formal, a bit longer......

Looks more formal......

How about this one?!!

And this one?

Hello BOSS,

I love your wife.

Your faithfully

Ringo .. :"-)

Putting The Message Across

How to ask your boss for a salary increase

(Image credit : CartoonStock from THIS link)

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary.

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing MO$t de$perately.

I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely,

Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly

Manager

Miscommunication

Office Break

Encrypted Appraisal letter.....

Dear Manager (HR),

Dave, my assistant programmer, can always be found

Hard at work in his cubicle. Dave works independently, without

Wasting company time talking to colleagues. Dave never

Thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

Finishes given assignments on time. Often Dave takes extended

Measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

Breaks. Dave is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

Vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

Knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Dave can be

Classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

Dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Dave be

Promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

Sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader

(image credit - CartoonStock linked HERE)

The next hour the Project Leader sent this note to the HR Manager:-

"That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.

Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him."

Sharing : Between The Love of God and The Love of Man

Footprints

One day a man was having conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.

He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??"

To which God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you.."

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Prime Minister Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.

I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??"

To which my PM answered, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... You see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head!!!"

Sharing : Baby Delivery According To Corporate World

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. (well... Boss thinks that perfect babies can be delivered in 6 months!)

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

 4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

 

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.

 7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

And lastly...

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

Sharing - Of Policies & Procedures and Ritual

Policies and Procedures

In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. 

Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.

All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced.

The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.

However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder.

All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why. AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.

The Long Kept Secret

Every time a new Pope is elected, there are many rituals to be followed, in accordance with tradition. But there's one ritual that very few people know about. 

Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem seeks an audience with him. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.

The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.

The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him, and does not return until the next Pope is elected.

Pope Benedict was intrigued by this ritual, the origin of which was unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of  the Vatican to research it, but they couldn't come up with anything. So when the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection.

But then, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he beckoned to him.

"My brother," he whispered, "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?"

The Chief Rabbi scratched his head and replied, "Frankly, Your Holiness, I have no idea either. The origin of this ritual is lost to us, too."

The Pope thought for a bit and said, "My brother, let us retire to my chamber and enjoy a glass of wine together. Then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover, at last, the secret."

The Chief Rabbi agreed.

So, after a leisurely glass of wine, they reverently picked up the curling parchment envelope and opened it with fingers trembling with anticipation.

The Chief Rabbi reached inside, took out a sheet of ancient parchment, and carefully unfolded it. He looked at it, and then handed it to the Pope.

It was the bill for the Last Supper!