Battle of Sexes 18 - For Women

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 

"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "

And they say woman are dumb...

**********

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."


The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

**********

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

**********

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

**********

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

**********

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

**********

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.




Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

**********

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"