Joe says to Paddy:
"Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
"Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor..
"Oh, no, Paddy, what ya doing?"
"Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attracter.....
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.
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Paddy says to Mick,
"I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. "
"So what are you going to do this year?"
"I'll take her with me!"
Mick says to Paddy,
"Christmas is on a Friday this year...."
"Let's hope it's not the 13th !!"
Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two.!!
Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him.
"Did you find the shampoo?"
"yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."