IT HURTS!!
'Impossible! ' says the doctor. 'Show me.'The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, and then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee andscreamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? '
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'your finger is broken.'
NOT SO DUMB
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says,
"Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question:
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."She asks,
"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
The Little shit on your lap
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Essex. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination, against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humour!
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells,
You stay out of this mate! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!
A pair of shoes at a reasonable price
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated, the blonde shouted,
"Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said,
"By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out,
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
