Sunday, March 6, 2011

Quotes, Laws & Thoughts

Funny Quotes

  • Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect...... So why practice? (Gwo Burne's advice)
  • Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa (to pay your saman ekor).
  • One should love animals. - They are so tasty (Singaporean pork lover to Malaysian pig rearer).
  • Save water. - Shower with your girl friend. (Kelantan's Water under PAS administration)
  • Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught. (Bt Lanjan Neighbourhood Watch)
  • Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. (Politicians beware)
  • Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. (Please clarify this with the more experienced Lebai PAS)
  • The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise. (Married bachelors)
  • Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives. (Najib's MBE)
  • Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. (Gwo Burne again)
  • Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop (errr.. hidden video cameras in apartment lifts and hotel's room?)
  • Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children (KTM suffers accident too, sometime, especially the KL-Kelantan's route)
  • "Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep (Gwo Burne at work)
  • There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning (Gwo Burne getting ready to work)
  • "Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk ! (Gwo Burne's brilliant quote)
  • "Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours! (Will you stop with these Gwo Burne thingy !!!)
  • God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends. (Mega projects - the way they are?)
  • When two's company, - three's the result! (PAS marries DAP - thus P[Konkek]R coalition was born)
  • The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.? (Nik Aziz of late)
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. .... Need I say more ??...... (Gwo B...... No! You don't !!!)

How True

  • Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
  • Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
  • Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
  • Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  • Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
  • Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  • LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  • LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
  • LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  • THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
  • LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until thecoffee is cold.

Thoughts to think about

  • I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  • Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
  • Life is sexually transmitted.
  • An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, Then who is the fool who said : "Quit while you're ahead?"
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • Always get the last word in: Apologize.
  • Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
  • Some people are like Slinkies . .Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  • Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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